hey ya everyone, its sahur in KL now. am up so very early to eat and start my fasting. It’s day 5 of fasting in this ramadhan, i’ve completed 5days so far without any interuption (you know what i mean). It’s time for self-reflection again which i havent done in so many months, or perhaps years. I used to self-reflect everyday before i sleep when i was back in KK but KL got you in such a hectic timeline, that you forgot to do the very little thing that will keep you sane, and on the ground, that is self-reflection.
I have fulfill my yearly resolution of keeping those who are worth it, and let go of those who doesn’t appreciate me. It’s a very tough call but, guess its fated. Just one day, i snapped and i reacted to it. Cut off all the line, shutting all the doors and windows to my heart, and to my life. and that’s it. I feel good? Yes. Regret? No. I should have done it earlier but i was too blind to see it. Where do i go from here? I’ll continue new chapter of my life, i look forward to brighter day, brighter future. No more excess baggage. So, that’s it. My heart feel lighter, my mind is clearer.
Ok, secondly am stuck with mundane work. I mean am always behind schedule, am not driving it good enough. Like am operating in the auto-pilot due to the abovementioned dilemma. I should snap out of this also, and be those ida craving for success too. I need to be pro-active, need to keep in check of all dateline, and design like am the best designer in the world.
Third, i should be going back home often. I miss my parents and i know they miss me too. But now they are at the term where they are able to accept the fact that their daughter is all grown up, and not coming back home. Should i be happy? This is what i’ve been telling them for years. But why i feel uneasy? Why i have the urge to go back home and take care of them when this is what i what, to live independently. It got me into this dilemma again. What am i supposed to do? Theres not much my jobscope back in KK unless i open on my own, and i get one major project that can last me 25years, and from there i can build the firm. But, am i ready to take the leap of faith? To stand on my own? To be my own boss? To be the entrepreneurship without any soft landing to back me up? I need to really think hard about this. I moved out of my parents house since i was 18 years old, and it’s already 12 years am away from home. Should i move back? Or should i build my own home, and let them in?
A lifestyle. I used to love my lifestyle in Penang. Its all about work hard, play hard. Its one of the best period in my life. I get suppresed in the office like am a slave, but when its off-work, i partied hard. I got few circles of friends to move around, play tennis, makan2, travelling, party etc but when i move to KL, those people in Penang that moved to KL earlier or later than me, don’t seem to have time to hang out. I don’t know what’s up with KL that sucking out people time. We don’t hang out much anymore, as compared to back in Penang. We barely hangout at all. 3 times in 2 years, that’s how often we hang out outside. Guess everyone priorities change when in KL. friends no longer important when you so-called seeing someone. Bullshit. Ok, let’s not get into that anymore. Am not holding on to the friendship when only one party trying to keep it up, and another one only maintain it when it’s convenience to them. Oh well, cest la vie.
So i need to change my lifestyle, perhaps moving into new place will reset my sequence of habit. I am hoping to get back to healthy lifestyle, i’ll be a stone away from kiara park. Gym is just behind the house, and am hoping to get back to tennis, and also to continue with my swimming lesson. I keep my time for healthy lifestyle, work, and friends who matter, as well as frequent time go to back home to see my parents.
Travel more. Explore more. I need to go to at least 3 new countries every year. Going to europe by end of this year again. But i was hoping for a backpack around Europe but there’s constraint in term of time and money. But i still keep it in view, just it need require intensive planning and saving, and sacrificing the weekend gateway. Oh well.
I see things differently this year. Some that am trying to avoid, realizing that it’s time for me to be in that scenario. It’s not peer pressure but i feel the time is right noe. You know what am talking about. But i want to take my time, and getting to know the heart, and aspiration before jump into the unknown world. I am partly ready, and accepted the fact. But lets just see how it goes. No pressure, not looking around, just it will come to me, instead am goin out looking for it. InsyaAllah.
I need to get back to the very important basis of my self. A have drifted apart, i need to get back to the shore. Someone who will lead me to get back to the path, i welcome with open heart.
Ok, that’s it. It’s time to get ready for work. Have a great monday!