To grow, or not to grow?


OK here is another thing that been bothering my mind for the last hour. I got a call from one environmental consultant company back at home, inviting me to attend the job interview for the post of environmental engineer/executive. The interview going to be held tomorrow AM.

It’s good. I can gain experience & knowledge just by attending the interview. Getting the job is another story. So, I feel it’s good then. In less than a month I’m back at home & I already got a call to attend job interview.

But that’s not the point here. My point is, I feel that I can’t grow up here. Living with family. I want to but somehow they do not want me to grow up.I am capable of taking care of myself for the last few years I’m not staying in the house (as I was away attending classes in the university). I managed to get good grades, able to avoid some unnecessary trouble, staying alone & able to get my way around KL too.and still, they think I’m not capable of growing up?

I know, being the only child the first thing that come to your mind, my dear reader; is that the only child is normally a spoilt brat. Well I don’t think I am one. I may be having trouble juggling my personality to be extrovert or introvert. I am both actually & it depending on the situation. and when in large group, i tend to dominate.

So it’s normal. I’m growing up in the environment where I am in the centre of attention. I don’t share things with people. I might not get close so easily with strangers, and i tend to do things out of the normality.I observe more than go with the flow.

It’s just me.

If you still can’t get the picture, go google ‘ dilemma of the only child’ and click on the first link!

So my point here is, I want to grow up. but they won’t let me grow up.I can’t give good example here because the real example is always good but I don’t want to publish it on the internet on what my real problem is.

It’s just that what is been buggering me is that I can’t make my own decision. It’s always them make decision for me. I WANT to make my own decision. How to tell them to let me grow; get hurt & learn from the hard way to be a good adult when they can’t let go of me?

Help me here.

p/s: When I think back, towards the last year I have been telling everyone (including the great one, almost everyday) that I don’t want to grow up. I don’t want to start working. I want to be trapped in the student life forever. I LOVE studying. I LOVE all my classes, assignments, field trips, professors, laboratory exercises & so on.

The fact is, I’m scared of taking responsibility & being an adult, responsibility a death penalty contract that you can not release yourself from unless you are going cuckoo. I want somebody to catch me when i fall. So last year, I don’t want to grow up. I refused to grow up.
New year changed me to be more responsible. I’m going to be 23 in less than 2 months. I shall start taking responsibility & not just let anyone else be responsible for what i do etc.

So, I want to grow up now. It’s time for me to grow up.

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