Numbness


I am confused. Scared. Terrified of the idea that I’m not feeling anything anymore. I feel numb. I’m not feeling that excruciating painful heartache anymore. Does it mean, I have already letting it go? Or does it mean, that I have… moved on?

Or does it because that I’m crazy busy with my studio project and university assignment that part of my brain turn that particular area off for a moment and it can be turned on anytime soon? Will I be able to not feeling it anymore, or would the feeling creeping back to me when my mind drifted or that I’m not occupied with work anymore?

Will it come back to me?

I have not feeling it for the past 3 weeks as my mind totally shut it down, due to the loaded work/assignment-load. In a way, I am feeling grateful for the havoc of sleepless week and mind-bogging journey of completing everything, overnight. However, it got me thinking, I’m feeling numb.

Please tell me I have moved on. Please tell me, it’s gone. Please tell me, I won’t be in that situation anymore. and please tell me, i won’t cry over those petty things anymore.

… and please assure me that when I’m flying back to KK after my final exam, I can finally move on. Being in KK brings back more emotional disturbance to me. I rather live plasticly in Penang, rather than feeling that agony in KK.

some part of me, doesn’t really want to move on. Argh. It’s such a bitch feeling of insecurity and undecided on which path of emotion and thought that I want to go further.

Dang.

I should be studying on my paper tomorrow, the GIS.

Till then.

 

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