Chaotic!


Do you know when you get some opportunity to reduce the pain you expected you would endure later in life, you would grab the opportunity straight away?

Any normal people will do. Including me.

Not that I’m going to face the expected result in not the hard way but everyone will choose the path where when they fall, they try not to fall ‘that’ hard.

The same goes with me. I chose not to fall hard so I decided, making choices to reduce the pain & expected when the time come, I will NOT fall that hard.

Guess I was wrong.

I fall harder than I expected due to the opportunity I get earlier. I can’t believe I let the emotion take control over me again. I am in control. My mind always in control of me, apart from my good senses that help in future prediction etc. but it seems that I can’t control my emotion.

I didn’t realize I put more attention & emotion to the opportunity so that I will reduce the pain earlier. Lesson learned. Don’t mix feelings with physical.

I cried. For hours. Trying to let go. I have to let go. I need to let it go.

Chaotic! Ring the bell? though I try to reduce the noise for the initial condition & expected it will happen the way it should be/ or what we normally called it deterministic; but it doesn’t happen that way. the chaos behavior resulted in the end. chaos.

iDa oh iDa, you already learned Newton is not always right; deterministic not ruling the world. Some aspect might be unpredictable & does not happen randomly or even how you think it should be. Gosh, iDa- got to learn to see world differently. I got to take into consideration of the butterfly effect.

My guess that no one will understand what is this post all about. This is too personal which I don’t share with anyone else. But I need to let it go, whether in tears or in words.
I NEED to. I HAVE to.

The whole day i was out with my college friend for movie & hang out. We had lunch at the Gardens café, the one in front of the Isetan. I had chicken pie & we share coffee tiramisu. The pie wasn’t that nice. I mean I tried some other places with much more nicer than this one. Anyway, tiramisu was nice though because it was coffee-flavored. We took plenty of pictures with the food & the Christmas décor in Midvalley & the Gardens. (check out my Facebook!)

We watched Enchanted movie, so-called the new age fantasy fairy tale + musical. It was a nice movie to watch during this festive seasons. It reminds you of the happily ever after, snows, true love & happiness.

I want to believe there is magical in this world; that somehow it will happen in everyone’s life. But until now, I’m drenched with reality. Reality is so cruel. But I never stop believing. I will continue believe that there will be some magical that will create happiness in your life. In everyone’s life I mean. Minus the background music, snows, glittering light & any other cameo that usually featured in the fairy tale movie though. He.he.

I feel I have so much to say and yet, I can’t really express it into words. I will write again later when I can put all my feelings into words. Yes, impossible task.

2 hours later

ah, I’m being melodramatic.

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