Of risk, wants & dreams


Perhaps am at the junction of life again, where I need to decide what I want to do and where I want to go from where I am. Or should I stay.

The question linger few weeks back when I got the opportunity to join the ‘dream’ team of workforce where, I have been thinking of or I rather be, as a bench-mark to be in this line. It is sort of like a dream job for something like me, that I am nobody (yes, I always selling myself short, I am competent though, more than anyone that more qualified and certified than me).

It boils down to the doors opening and opportunity coming in, that I start to look for advancement in life. Or in this case. in career.

I mean, I have no issue with my current life. I am actually enjoying my stuff. Lots of good things happening here, and I am anticipating more exciting things coming in the future.

But then again. Luck strikes? Shall I say that? I rather say it’s doors opening up for me. I was quite lucky? Or was my name is good in this industry? I don’t really know the hush and has of this little industry here, but one thing to be sure, is that, words travel fast than #chickaboo. LOL.

Or was I that famous? I don’t know. Since moving to KL, I try to be low-profile.  I try not to outshine everyone, and learning everything from the bottom. I keep my head down most of the time, and I don’t involve in any drama or advances in any political agenda.

I am invisible. I am not from all these local-universities in Klang Valley area, where everyone knows each other. I am an alien. Like am wearing the Harry Potter’s invisible cloak. I see everyone and nobody sees me.

and yet, I get EXTREMELY good offer that is very hard for everyone to resist. I knew I MADE it somewhere in this industry. (Or probably they are just desperate to find replacement, I don’t know. I like to see the positive side of everything, so I stick to the first thought).

But whatever on my plate now is, good enough for me. I love all my projects, I love the ambience, I love the guidance and the freedom to make decision. I feel like a full-grown up professional. Way better than the so-called professional TITLE in front of my name. I am a full fledge consultant, that competent to handle on the projects from A to Z.

It was different game last week, and now. I am looking at the risk part of it.

Analysing the risk and balance it out for the next half of the year. Of between my wants and mature decision.

I hate to do a grown-up decision. The right one.

It got me, to a full 2 weeks of sleepless night. Or stirring the balance of serenity and to look for a 50% of risk of losing my mind, and human management.

Should I risk it for the unknown challenges, or should I pursue on what is on my plate now?

I cried, and cried, and more sleepless night. for me. My weekend ruined thinking about it.

One thing for sure is that, I am forever grateful to God for such blessing. For such opportunities that He has given me. For all the good things happenings, and for all the food and the experience He has given me in this life.

I am still in dazed. In confusion. My heart differ from my mind. I have 50/50 chances of everything.

I think I know what my problem is. I am not egoist. I am not narcissist. I don’t think for myself, but look out for others. That causes my cloudy judgement.

I need to think what is good for myself. Not others. For once iDa, come on.

Let me sleep another night, and I’ll make the decision.

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