Regression?


Hi everyone, it’s been a while since I last jot down my feelings here (apart from that hated, and negative feeling I had over for this year, pardon me, that’s hormone talking). I am okay. I am still surviving in this jungle world. Apart from that, am just alright.

Ok, I am literally not alright. I was down with 2 days of fever, blocked nose/sinuses, pounding headache for 3 days till i have to take one day medical leave on monday, just because I cried so hard last friday night. It was really tearful night where, I am forced to think on my life, instead of progressing forward, situation forced me to think about my future, by regression. Yes. REGRESSION. Meaning to step back from where I am now.  Lowering my lifestyle, cutting down from being a landscape architect to becoming just a general clerk in some, dusted old building at the corner of some Jabatan. I can’t just brain that. I just can’t. I refused to.

Practically, trying to knock on my own head for reality check. How can a person, regress in life? Is that even an option? For all the handwork I put all these years. For all the competitive and challenges i faced all these years. For all that trying to be the best in class, top of the league, and yet, I am forced to think of way to regress in life.

I am trying not to be the unfaithful daughter, but I have made up my decision to be here. My career is here. I am building myself, my portfolio, my name here in this landscape architecture industry. Slowly, people knows me and that’s how you start your shit here. I mean, business, connection, recommendation yada yada.

That is the reason why I leave my first job, jumped into the unknown world of landscape architecture, learn all the shit from the scratch (while all my other classmates were a design-based professionals, I am not). For all the sleepless night, trying to blend water color, trying to do pencil shading, trying to use auto cad when I know shit nothing about it. I am proud of where I am now, what I do now.I have no complaint.

I am doing something that I love as a career. Of course there come those client from hell, contractor with dungu head etc, but that is part of working life. I do complaint about all these minion things but by the end of the day, I am still grateful that I do what I like, and it is MY decision. Not others.

Some people living other people dream, fulfilling other dreams, or just lay by and see where the world take you. I don’t want to live my life that way.

I decide. I choose. I think for myself.

So please understand, I choose how my life going to be, and am not trying to be selfish, but everybody deserve to decide for themselves.

#justsaying

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