Hey ya all! I’m back safe and sound in Penang. I’ll blog about my Hong Kong and Macau trip soon but I need to get this out of my chest. My head. I’ve been severely depressed over the few unfortunate events, and the loose end that I’m trying to patch up, over working experience. I thought I could.

But then again, my dream and hope shattered over the harsh reality.

Do i get to pursue my dream? There are major bumps in life, and am still holding on.

I thought, that getting a PhD will give me an advantage in the consultancy world, to stand out from others and I’m halfway winning.

But then again, for some certification, or qualification. My Masters degree is not qualified, and my road to the dream may be longer than it seems.

To make things worse, what I have been doing is not getting appreciated, by all parties. I’ve been sincerely learning, and getting experience, and work my way up to the realization that, I am still that, invisible MSc. holder that, only qualified by the 1 year and half experience in this world. What about my past? What about the competency in handling clients, and PR, and whatnot? I have a degree from Universiti Malaya (the so called premier university in Malaysia, only the tough cookie able to get in, survived and graduated?). I know it’s more or less not really valuable in this line, but whatthefuck are you so blind, that you can’t relate this to your line. I mean, I learned wider scope of work than what I am specialize now. Please let me stand next to your best designer and ask questions on the ecological scope of the job. Can he/she able to answer you better than me? Yes, design-wise, construction-wise, yes, he/she will. If you’re looking for the specific specialize person, maybe am not good for you. I am more into a wholesome criteria. Maybe you are afraid because I’ll be your competitor in the near future, and what you are looking for is just a worker. I’m sorry, I can be a worker, but I’m a natural born leader that that made me a less-competitive candidate to run a cheapskate company.

I had enough of lowering down my value. I had enough of having to take less than what I deserve for. I am looking for what I deserve to be in, I swear to you, if you value me, I’ll strive my best to give all i have, and to make your company grow. Not just my own personal growth, but I would love to grow with the institution am with.

So to offer me less than, I ask for, I would say, thank you for your kind offer but I think, I’ll pass. I may not be the best, or be the all-star individual but I take the ‘you treat me kind, I’ll treat you even kinder’ very seriously.

I seriously should stop beating myself with this. I need to stand-up.

No more you can pushed me down, iDa. Say hello to the tough-cookie iDa.

What’s my plan now? Move forward. I might leave Penang this year.

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