I passed with flying colours last week for going to the swimming lesson, 3 days in a row (it’s a long weekend) and the instructor confident that i can swim that she asked me to swim to the 7 feet depth. I was so scared but i brave myself to do so. She said that this week, she gonna teach me to thread water and to jump into the aforementioned depth pool. It terrifies me. Real bad. This is where the fear start creeping in.

I am not myself today. I am tired (not jet-lagged but a travel withdrawal symptom), and I am death scared of today’s lesson. I texted my instructor that I can’t come to the lesson today but I didn’t tell her why. Frankly, the fear of water is still there. Still going strong in my mind. I have not yet loosen the grasp of hydrophobia eventhough i can handle shallow water now.

When I was in Phuket, it got me thinking, the sea is even more scarier. I was contemplating over the patong beach when looking at the rough waves. It’s monsterous.

If my parents were here, my mom would forbid me from going into the water because she’s afraid that this little girl can’t handle it. But I am not a little girl anymore, and I got to overcome this fear.

Even this will cause endless tears. I somehow got to do it.

I have to do it. I need to do it. Pronto.

*cries*