Starting this new semester, it seems all I’m doing is the need to fix things. I need to fix my macbook before I’m letting it go, I need to fix my tennis racquet string and the grip as it already worn out, I need to fix the faucet basin as i guess it is clogged, need to fix my hair as it is just.. flat. I need to fix my life as in i need to be sociable and not a total outcast, I need to fix my forehand as it is getting rusty, I need to fix my body, need to lose that 10 pounds. Ahhh.
So many things to fix this semester.
But one thing that I shouldn’t fix is the previous relationship. Somehow, some people already move on and having a such a young, baby girlfriend of merely over 18 years old. Good for the said. I can’t beat a 18 years old, I need Lancome Genifique – the youth activator, ha-ha. Yep. I should be happy for him. But I ain’t going to say, good luck in relationship.
Ok, maybe I’m just a little frustrated. But that’s how the former should feel right? I mean, I’ve moved on too… so why the hell am I having this negative feelings? Does it means I still have things for him? No, I don’t think so.
But it does bother me a little. Maybe it is a game of a women’s mind that whoever gotten latter in the relationship after the separation, one would feel like a loser? nah. I don’t feel like a loser, I’m just feeling overwhelmed over the news.
I still feel the presence when I am watching movies in the cinema alone, or with bunch of friends. The memories bring back to how awesome it feels to dine in together, and a midnight movies. The thought of someone picking me up from the house. No body picking me up to go out. I am an independent women always drive around to wherever I want to go. And he was asking, trembling to ask this independent and feminine gal whether he could fetch me the next time, I thought that was cute. Now I don’t know whether I can go to KK’s cinemas without actually thinking about it. Dang. and Damai.
And the I’m buying the tickets part when I get there early also made him uneasy. OK, the guys should not pay for it everytime right. Some people with ego would think the otherwise, but as for me, one should give and take, some days he will pay, and some other days I will.
Maybe because of that, it doesn’t work? But it real reason why it doesn’t happening is that I’m running away. I am running away on the first opportunity I get. And that, moving to Penang. Of course, when I am asking him about it, he said, go for it! Go for your dreams, guys can be replaced, your dream/opportunity can’t. And now I thought I am making the right choice. Am I? Can you please shed some light my dear reader? Am I making the correct decision? Am I choosing the right path?
Fairy tales don’t always have a happy ending, do they?
I am happy on my own feet now. I am happy that I get to learn things that I thought I would never have – design, and I get to know bunch of awesome studiomates, happening internship-mates/working experience and awesome new challenges, but am I really happy?
2010 has been a lot of struggles for me, ’till now, I have not yet been stopping to catch on my breath since my xiamen trip. Life has been on the fast track, endless studio work – semester 2, internship in KL for 10 weeks and back to Penang for semester 3 with only a day interval (And I’m fully utilizing that 1 day break by unpacking and a spring cleaning). I am tired. I need an energy boost in my life. I need to see new people, new and great people in Penang. Life for me here has been all about studio, queensbay, field trips, assignments and exam (plus starting this semester, thesis research).
So much of dissatisfaction and groaning, and opening what’s going on in my head (and heart) to the world wide web. Great.
25 should be the time where I know what I want to do in life, but here I am, wondering which path to take, decide on what choices best for me and questioning my past decisions. Life’s a bitch. I wish it would be as simple as in the hollywood movies. Screw those romantic/comedy movies. It’s all bull to me now. The greatest love between human & vampire, say edward & bella? bull shit. Eclipse gross me out. Ew. Yes, I used to fall head over heel over the first movie, but this one pissed me off when I was watching with former colleagues at KLCC on my last day in KL. Reality hits me. I just woke up to the real world. No more over the rainbow, no more happily ever after for me. I am more into how to make things works, how to keep the momentum up and how to find happiness 🙂
Yep, optimistic thinking *and wishful thinking, sending the positive vibes to the universe*
I am struggling now for the better and comfortable tomorrow.