A fraction

Hi.. How’s 2015 for you so far? It’s been good for me, though I wasn’t really enjoying my new year. I was hoping for a quiet, spending time alone ushering new year with the apple in my eyes, but .. cest la vie.

It’s 15 january today, marked 2 weeks for the year 2015 and I am already in major contemplation over what I am going to do, where am heading and sort. I can’t seem to grip on what I want to do, a secure, and passionate things to do for the rest of my life. Maybe its the hormone talking, but I conquered landscape architecture, but it doesn’t give me that zest that I was hoping for when I send my first resignation letter. I am listening back to songs that I used to hear during my years in KK. Oh how time flies. I grew up extremely fast. I drifted far away from home. I made a nest on my own, and call it my home. But am  I happy?

There will be major things to happen in the office ( and construction site) tomorrow. I was away for a few days and everybody jumping up and down about it. As if am the most important person in the office. I am not. Am not even close to being sorta #patutbosssayang. No, I am invisible. I am doing all the minor, small time projects, and that’s me. Guess so many other people that matters and capable of handling bigger projects, so I was.. what is there if am absence for a few days.

No. It doesn’t. Sa bukan pun orang pending di office, it doesn’t matter if am in the office or not, I don’t feel like am needed, or important. or even, cared.

So, I know what to do. I know what to do after this. I’ll just leave quietly. Because being there and not being there, will not affect the jobs and the income. Am just a fractional in an entity.

I am not a whole.

That’s my problem. I can’t be just a fraction.

Am a whole. A lot more that, nobody even care to know or care to look into me.

I am worth more than the shit you see in me.

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