I never pray hard, and last night I prayed so hard till am shaking, and tearing up & falling asleep. I never been so sad, so in painful, so helpless, numb and shattered. I prayed to God to take me away, so I won’t feel this pain anymore. I prayed to Him, to forgive my parents & everyone that I care, and give them blessing and all the good things, but please take me away to Him.

I can’t bear to live here anymore. I need to go back home to Him. 

The wise one told me to change those emotional pain by just taking out expectations and desires away from my mind, the pain will subside too. I know. I need to change that expectation to something else, beneficial. To change my mindset and start taking care of myself.

No more running away, to forget about the pain.

It’s time to wake up and smell the roses. It’s time for the new, better, fresher iDa. 

There are no instant happiness. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy to do. 

At the end of the day there are 3 virtues: truth, contentment and contemplation. eat these and drink them down with the nectar of gods name and be fulfilled. only then can you cross the ocean of pain that is our existence. 

Am scared to read myself. To look deep into my heart. I never tried to fight my own desires. 

My happiness and contentedness doesn’t depend on other people or things. it should be within me, 

I am, me.