Complicated mind – Chapter 1


My complicated mind going to explode! I really don’t know what to do with my free time. Gosh, I should be enjoying my time here, having a blast before entering the rat world! oh no! I’m wierdo; I don’t even know how to have fun, how to relax and be cool. Oh no, I’m a retard.

 I made a list yesterday night on how am I going to spend my day today; that includes waking up early, go to the scholarship department & report in and even depositing cheque to my savings. I end up doing nothing on the list, except.. driving! 🙂

I am not as brave as I look. I may look TOTALLY cool when I’m in certain situation & everyone would say… whoa, this girl has guts! but deep down inside, I’m totally scared! terrified! BUT, i buy time! That’s how I can look cool! *rofl. Certain things, I totally chickened out!

For example, I have phobia with water & I’m sturggling to learn how to swim. I almost drown at Hilton pool in Kuching if I’m not mistaken & from that moment, I’m totally having this mental image of me drowning everytime I see swimming pool. Don’t laugh! The same goes with driving. It’s not that I’m not good at it. I know how to drive most of the time. It is just that I’m afraid that i’ll give different signal to other drivers. I personally believe that driving carries huge responsibilities to yourself, your passengers & other drivers & their passengers too. That’s a very burdening responsibility.  If it’s only me that I have to be responsible at, then it’s okay. Being on the road, sharing the lanes with other people makes it burdening to me. oh well, there goes my complicated mind again.

Driving does mean freedom too, which I want to so much too! But when you take responsibilities and freedom; which one would you chose? I’d choose to be responsible in order to achieve my freedom. 🙂 so, yeah.

Anyway, I drove for almost 1 hour. Drove from my house to Kingfisher roundabout using the coastal highway and back to my house using Tuaran road. Oh, and I just realize that there were no more U-turn going to my housing area from the Tuaran road; I got to drive to sport complex first before entering my housing area.

I got to start planning on what to do tomorrow. I shall drive to the tennis court early in the morning. and shall drive there by myself! I got to start getting used to driving alone. Yep, I got the whole night to think things through & replay the zillion of times on how the trip from my house to the tennis court going to be tomorrow.

ah! sometimes I wish my complicated mind would be much simpler. Like need not to think things through.. every single time. Oh how i wish!

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